Merry, Happy, Blessed

Where I sit, the clock just turned over to December 24, 2016. Christmas Eve. The tree is up and there are some presents under it. We don’t have stockings, but that’s okay. I actually put up some lights on the thorny bush outside my door and they don’t look too bad, if I say so myself. E. was going to Denver this week, but his mom has a new job and they sent her out of town until the actual day of Christmas, so we will go up for an overnight next week. Thus, we’ll have our Christmas tomorrow and on Sunday, we’ll go to his aunt and uncle, who have kindly invited us. I’m looking forward to good food and good company.

I wish you all the same, a wonderful, happy few days away from the recent unpleasantness to spend with people you love and who love you. Laugh, hug, eat, play games, nap. Remember winter’s message to go deep so that we can emerge renewed with the light of Spring. All will be well. Don’t worry about how, it just will if you focus on the wellness instead of the lack.

Blessed be.

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Hello, It’s Me*

*With apologies to Adele.

tree2 (436x800)This is our little Christmas tree. It’s the first tree I’ve put up in several years. We didn’t put up a tree at all the 2 years E was with us and maybe not for a year or two before that. He wanted a tree this year and so did I. Of course, I had to replace all the ornaments, lights, etc. We just started small. I love this little tree. It’s a perfect shape and it smells wonderful. I jut realized today that exactly one year ago, I took E to spend Christmas break with his dad in Denver, and when I got back, excited to have 2 weeks at home with you-know-who, before I had barely walked in the door, I was told that E and I would have to leave. So, a year ago, the beginning of the end. Except that it wasn’t. It was the beginning of the beginning. And Solstice is in just a few days, and the light will return, and the Wheel will turn, and life marches on and so do I.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Blessed Solstice, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, and/or whatever other festival you may celebrate at this time. 2016 is just around the corner and it’s going to be a 9 year, which is a multiple of 3, and 3’s are magic for me, so I am expecting three times the normal magic.

Blessed Be

Life is good and the Universe is abundant. I’d like to say a word about clarity. I am learning that clarity is the most important factor about any decision. You have to be clear about what you want. In fact, the more clarity you can bring to your desires, I think the quicker they will manifest. Just focus on the “what” and let how take care of itself. That’s the way we block ourselves. We have a desire or a wish or a whim, or even a flicker of a want and then Practical Side stomps all over it with, how you gonna afford that, and who’s gonna take care of the kid, and how will you get time off from work, and on and on and on until the poor idea just shrivels up and croaks. And you’re left with this sort of lost, nostalgic feeling of, maybe I could have…if I had made more money, budgeted my time better, whatever.

I’ve been manifesting a lot of things in the last few weeks…things I didn’t think I would ever be able to get in my life–or at least not for a long time. I have a very clear five-year plan in my head. It’s going to happen. I have no idea how it will. But I know it will. I think about it a lot. It makes me happy to project myself there in the 5-year ahead place. But at the same time, I’m happy right here. It’s all unfolding perfectly. You can’t rush it, but sometimes things happen unexpectedly quickly when you’re allowing. Take my little pot of basil. It’s growing really well…it now looks kind of like a basil chia pet. Then, the other day, I noticed there were two sprouts that were most assuredly not basil. I don’t know if they’re some kind of flower, or a vegetable (could be squash or beans), or even if they are the same thing. But I’m going to let them grow there. Flowers would be great. Any kind of veggie would be even better. They are just getting their second set of leaves now, so hopefully I’ll have a better idea of what they are in a couple of days. In the meantime, I just turn the pot around so they don’t get all bent in one direction, keep everything light watered and enjoy the mystery.

I’ve made a little progress on my grotto. I added some crystals to my leaf sculpture, and I still have my eyes open for the right Buddha or other sculpture. I’d like a Buddha, but I’m not wedded to it. One day, I’ll be at a yard sale or a thrift store or somewhere, and the exact right thing will present itself. I know it will happen. That makes me happy.

I can’t allow negativity in my life right now. As much as I enjoy Facebook and keeping up with friends far and near, I find that there’s so much negativity there. Not on just news stuff and horrible trolling, etc, but even in the groups I’m in. Too much of people stuck in victim-hood and defining their lives by what other people have done to them. I don’t want to do that. Life is too short to be negative. Sure, people do bad things, hurt you, call you down, whatever. So what? You don’t have any control over that. People are going to do what people do. You can remove yourself from the people, if it’s that bad. You can walk out of the room. You can leave the relationship. You can get another job. Maybe not in an instant, but you CAN do it. Make a plan. Get clear. Forget about how. Hey, I’m going to post that on Facebook right now! 🙂

It’s a process. It’s about breaking habits. It’s about saying “blessed be” instead of “dammit” even when you really want to say “dammit.” Because we live in an incredibly rich and beautiful tapestry. It’s not supposed to be just one color. How boring would that be? It’s light and dark and rich and bold and pastel and jewel-toned and off color and perfectly hued. Everything that happens to us weaves another thread into the amazing cloth of the Universe. So when you think about the night sky full of stars, or a night sky that’s cloudy and rainy, even the “dammit” moments can be blessed.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Rampaging…

You might think this is going to be a rant about G or the breakup or whatever. It’s not. This is a rampage of pure appreciation. There is SO MUCH to be grateful for.

This morning, I drove out east to see some dear friends and just hang out. It was much needed me time. It was an absolutely beautiful Colorado morning and I was so thankful to be living here in this state that I love so much. I was thankful for my job, that allows me to work extra pretty much whenever I want, so I have decided to work enough extra every month to cover my car payment, which will help immensely. I can do it…an hour or so for 20 days out of the month, and covered. It’s a blessing to be able to do that and not even leave my house. I was so grateful to have my little car, to have my insurance, to have my renters’ insurance paid up for a year, to have a new world of volunteerism with the County Extension service and the Master Gardener program that I completed at the beginning of April.

I am grateful to be able to put the boys to work tomorrow helping me get plants from a local vendor for our big fundraising plant sale. I am grateful for a friend from the class who offered to help me move my artwork from there to here. I am grateful for our DSS worker, who came for a home visit today and told me to go get the furniture we need (dining table and 2 chairs, futon and dresser for E) and said, “We haven’t spend any money on you guys, you need this.” I am grateful for friends who feed me lunch and give me over-the-door towel hooks, and wonderful coffee from Germany, and delicate crystal classes to drink my wine and whiskey out of (still have to get those 2 items, but I will be very grateful when I have them), and an amazing tool bag, so I’ll never feel helpless at home if something goes wrong.  I am grateful for E’s friend’s mom who invited me out last night…imagine, ME going OUT on a weeknight no less. I am grateful that even though I overslept this morning, my drive to get E to school is shorter, and so we made it there on time. I am grateful that E actually straightened up his room for the home visit today! I am grateful for food in the freezer and fridge. I am grateful for people who sell me wonderful, delicious local chicken and duck eggs. I am grateful for this quiet little apartment that is starting to feel like home. I am grateful for the ability to put things behind me without resentment and move forward. I am grateful to be writing on this blog and I am grateful for anyone who reads it at any time. I am grateful for social media even though it drives me crazy at times. I am grateful to be able to catch up and keep up with old friends this way.

I am so grateful today that I honestly feel like I have become gratitude. I know this feeling won’t last. I know I’ll dip and have lows just as deep as this particular high is right now. I also know that’s okay. I can be grateful for the full spectrum of emotions as well and know that they are all normal and valid. I can accept everything just as it is…and everything perfect just as it is.

And then, time to fix dinner. 🙂

Blessed Solstice

For all of you out there…

your debts forgiven

your wounds healed

your apologies accepted

your generosity expanded

your love educated

your desires clarified

your untold stories heard

your insight heightened

your load lightened

your wildness rejuvenated

your leaks plugged

your courage stoked

your fears dissolved

your imagination fed

Ten-Thing Monday

1. I am incredibly grateful to have found a most marvelous book called “Seven Sacred Pauses.” The wisdom it contains is beyond measure.

2. I am so grateful that it’s October, my favorite month. I love the bluest skies of the year, the suddenly shifting winds, the clouds that hold every nuance of grey, silver and pewter. I love the leaves that gild the trees, and I love watching them fly off ahead of the gusts. I love the angle of the light, the warmth of autumn afternoons, and the kiss of twilight’s cool breezes on my cheek.

3. I am definitely grateful that my grandson has no aspiratons to be a singer. (He’s wailing his head off to some song on YouTube with his headphones on as I write this. Simon Cowell would have a field day.)

4. I am grateful that the last contacts and conversations I had with the boys’ dad (more on that later) were upbeat and encouraging.

5. I’m grateful I got to see my other grandson this week, even though the circumstances were much too sad.

6. I’m grateful that my big pot of beef barley soup turned out exactly the way I wanted it to.

7. I am grateful to listen to the wind rushing around the house tonight, but glad I don’t have to be out in it.

8. I am grateful that E has made some good friends at school through playing football and that I’m getting to know them and their families.

9. I’m grateful that it’s now Monday morning, and I only have one more day/night to work.

10. I am grateful for the rocking chair in my meditation room and the funky 1950’s floor lamp I inherited that works so perfectly next to it.

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