This morning it was 55 degrees when I got off work at 5 a.m. I went for a short walk around the track across the street. I’ve been doing that more often when I finish. It helps me sleep better, and I like walking at that time of the morning and being on the track takes away the worry about cars, dogs, and waking people up as I stroll past their houses. Plus there are wonderful views of the sky both east and west. The other day, at the height of the Perseids, it rained or was cloudy every night when the viewing was supposed to be the best, but I managed to see a couple of meteors on my morning walks, so it wasn’t a total loss. I don’t do much, half a mile, 2 laps around, but it feels good. And this is a transition time; I can feel the seasons changing, the air getting cooler, the breath of fall tinging the morning breezes. It’s a good time to be out.
After that, I came back and read for a little bit. E. was spending the night with a friend, although I didn’t receive his text message until right before I went to turn off my phone. Don’t know why, as my phone was on all night for work, but there it is. Sometimes they don’t go through right away. He’s been ranging pretty far this summer, which is fine with me. He comes home tired, we talk for a while, he sleeps most of the day and does it all over again. He would be a good night worker. School is probably going to be a struggle this year, mainly because of that, but I think he’s kind of excited about being a junior. He works very hard not to show any emotion, so I don’t really know, but I can usually tell one way or the other despite his stoic demeanor.
The journey to downsizing continues. There’s a big pile of stuff in my bedroom that needs to be taken to Goodwill or ARC. I have given a lot of stuff away, sent various art pieces off to new owner, gave a big footlocker that had followed me around for over 25 years away to a guy here who’s going to make it into a toy box for his daughter. That felt good and gave me more space in my bedroom! I’m donating a king-sized comforter (only twin beds for me in the future!), table cloths, place mats, napkins etc. Don’t need them, don’t use them, why keep them? Working on my closet shelves and a few weeks ago, was horrified…HORRIFIED…to realize that I owned 25 pairs of pants. HOW THE HELL DID I END UP WITH TWENTY-FIVE PAIRS OF PANTS??? Of course, some are worn only in the summer (capris) others only mostly in the winter, some were for camping/hiking, etc. I’ve gleaned through those and am down some, but still have more to go. Will be going through shirts/sweaters soon. I need to downsize my filing cabinet to one portable file box, but I’m pretty sure I can do that, and I need to downsize the stuff in my dresser enough to be able to let it go when I need to. I was worried that I needed to find places for everything, but then I realized that E can just take it when I go to outfit whatever place he ends up in. I believe he still thinks I’m not going to move, so he will be in for a rude awakening, but he can’t say he wasn’t warned and encouraged to be prepared. But, I can’t do it for him.
Books continue to flow to the used book store that is run by the library. I may buy a book here or there to continue a series I’m reading and can’t find one or two of them in the library, but then they will go right back to the store afterward. I still love books more than life, but I really have reached a point where owning them is not that important…save for a few treasures that will be around after I croak.
So, now it’s just a few hours before work. E is still wherever, I’m not motivated to cook anything for dinner, and I’m thinking about going back for a nap. I’ve been working on listening to my body–when it says, man, I’m really sleepy, but I have a list of things I want to get done, I’m starting to put the list on the table and go take a nap. On the days that I work, I’ve given myself permission to sleep as long or as often as I need to, eat when I’m hungry and not feel bad about letting everything else go. E hasn’t been motivated to get himself in the kitchen, but if he won’t even heat up leftovers, then he’ll just have to make do with a bag of chips. I really think that cooking for and having to feed other people on some kind of regular schedule is one of the biggest impediments to women breaking out of domestic bondage. We worry that people (family) will be hungry, that they won’t be nourished, etc. I am beginning to learn that if an able bodied person can’t figure out how to feed him/herself in a kitchen full of food, then they ought to go hungry. Chosen helplessness is SO unattractive.
For me, with this schedule, I am often not hungry at all during the day. Then I’ll eat something right around the time I go to work and then I’m really hungry about 2 a.m. Quite a change from the big breakfast eater I was, but I’m learning to roll with it.
So, now I’m going to lie on my heating pad in hopes of easing a stiff neck, and then off for another work shift. Hope you’re all having a good weekend!