Bit By Bit

Here we are in the third week of January. Where does the time go? Even E has been commenting on it recently, and I guess time has to be going by pretty quickly for a teenager to notice it.

I continue to struggle a little bit with letting myself just be the way I want to be. Mainly, I struggle with my work schedule and aftermath. I think if no one else were living with me, I would probably switch over to a sleep in the day, stay up at night routine…maybe not sleeping as late on days off, but still not getting up at the crack of dawn, ever. I think that might be helpful, but with school in, it just isn’t happening. However, I’ve been able to allow myself to sleep sometimes until almost noon on Saturdays and Sundays, and that’s nice. More sleep is good. Sometimes I get up and do things. Sometimes I make coffee and then go back to bed and read until I fall asleep, unless, again, I have to do something with Elijah…fetch and carry, fetch and carry. He’s driving more, but I still have to be in the car with him and it’s going to take something for me to let him drive my car alone even after he has his license. That’s a bridge I’m not looking forward to.

Otherwise, I have a lot of thoughts that I don’t get pushed forward into action as much as I would like to. We did finally have the tamale making session last week and that was fun. I actually think I could forge ahead and make a batch of them on my own, when I have an entire day to devote to the cause–and that would be for even a small batch. If you ever have tamales and think they are too expensive, trust me, they’re not. They are probably one of the most labor intensive edible things ever. But so worth it!

I realized something about myself the other day. If someone were to lock me, naked, into a completely empty room, in about eight hours I would have several piles of clutter needing to be put somewhere. I just seem to generate the stuff out of thin air. The other day, I want through the drawers in my big cabinet in the living room that holds up the TV. How long have I lived here? Barely nine months. Those drawers were already nearly full of junk! A phone book, menus, receipts, a light timer, for heaven’s sake, ethernet cords that were too short to be of any use to anyone, out of date coupons, etc. I thought I was trying to downsize this stuff. How did it wind up in those drawers? I did a quick sort and tossed a lot of stuff. I’m on the second iteration of doing the same with dresser drawers. I sit here at my desk a look across the room at my open closet doors and think, “I have so many clothes and I don’t wear half of them.” That’s not counting for clothes not being worn for seasonal reasons. But then, when I go to pick out something, everything seems so old and dowdy.

Right before Christmas, I broke down and bought six new tops (on sale and free shipping!). I like them, but, here’s the deal. I tried them on when they got here and loved all of them. Then I washed them. The garments themselves didn’t shrink but the sleeves did. I want LONG sleeves. Not three-quarter-inch sleeves, which are the devil’s invention, but honest-to-God long sleeves that come past my wrist and don’t shrink up my arm in the first washing. Not quite that bad but bad enough to leave me tugging  the sleeves down when I wear them around here. Still, I like the styles and the colors, so I guess two out of three isn’t bad. Now I feel compelled to rid myself of six tops to allow the space for the new things. No, I don’t have to, but, again, so many things in my closet have hung there for years and years, unworn. It seems a shame to let the trend go on much longer.

So, I’ve been doing things in bits. A 2-foot length of shelf in the closet. Done. That pesky area by my desk where all the receipts and old e-mails get “filed” (not a trash can). Done. My T-shirt drawer…DONE! Oh, and I even managed to get a T-shirt quilt done with nine of the T-shirts, which I have been using as a lap robe while I work.

Did I mention I’m cold? I’m also itchy. It’s been a cold, dry winter and that is taking it out of my skin. My skin is quite sensitive to stress, too, and all things combined can make for itchy, scratchy nights. Not fun on top of all the other reasons for messing up my sleep.

Now, I’m not complaining, really. I’m trying to look at all of this stuff as a kind of experiment, to see if some things work better than others for dealing with all of, figure out what they are and maybe stick with it for a a few weeks. It’s all still baby steps, and you can’t ever really predict what you might learn from the entire process.

And on that note, my eyelids are becoming quite heavy, so I think I’ll go lie down and see what happens.




About GratefulGran

A little bit of this, a little bit of that...
This entry was posted in allowing, progress, routine, self-discovery,, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Bit By Bit

  1. Crazy Mom says:

    glad to see you are up and about!

  2. efrompdx says:

    It sounds to me as if you are still sorting yourself out. There’s no rush! Your only timeline is you. Well, that and E’s schedule (which won’t last forever). Kudos to you for being willing to make changes, and for giving yourself the time and space to do so. I think you are doing an amazing job!

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