And here we are! Finally, it’s 2016. I didn’t realize just how much I had been looking forward to this day and year until E and I got home from our New Year’s celebration and his aunt’s, and I formally took down the 2015 calendar and tossed it in the trash. Nowhere to go but up.
I paid my rent yesterday and told the rental office that I would like to sign a new lease when mine is up in June (I signed a 14-month lease to get $100 of my move-in deposit). There’s a chance that my rent may not go up at all, which would be very nice. I fully plan on staying here until E graduates. My car will be paid off in April, but that money will go either to pay down the credit card I have been using too much (but no more), and/or E’s car insurance when he gets his drivers’ license. He still seems to think that someone is going to magically drop a car on him when he turns 16 but unless there’s a fairy godmother or godfather out there somewhere, that’s not going to happen and even if it does, insurance and all other fees would need to be taken care of elsewhere. I just plain can’t afford it.
I suddenly find myself with all these goals pouring out of me. I don’t know if it’s simply the time of year, or if I am finally coming up for air after wallowing in my funk for way too long. Doesn’t matter. I’m just going to go with it. It feels pretty good.
I’m allowing my schedule to change a little. I’m sleeping later and working on not feeling guilty when I don’t get up by 9 or 10 a.m. even on days off. Of course, I’ll be getting up now to get E to school, or rather, on those work days, I think I’ll just stay up and then go to bed when I get back from taking him. I’ll have some quiet time in the hour or so between when I get off and he has to wake up, so maybe I can use that for a little gentle yoga, some meditation (without falling asleep) or just having a cup of coffee or tea in the quiet living room. I’m working on trying to use the blocks of time that I have more efficiently without getting crazy about it.
I always used to get told that I didn’t get much done or that my pace was too slow or whatever. But, a couple of weeks ago, I got up and took a leisurely shower, futzed around in my room for a while, wandered into the kitchen/living room for a while just kind of aimlessly it seemed, but at the end of the day, I realized I had cleaned off my desk, made a couple of meals, worked on two separate sewing projects, put away laundry and a few other things I can’t remember. At my “slow” pace, I had gotten quite a lot done. So, to hell with what anyone used to say. Nothing that used to be matters anymore. Only what is, and what I want to be.
I don’t make “resolutions” because they don’t allow for flexibility. Perhaps you might resolve to do something on January 1, but three months later find out that for various unseen reasons, it’s simply not possible. Then you feel all bad because you broke your resolution. So, no. However, there are things I want to do more of and I can always work on those.
In 2016, I want to:
Write more poetry. (even one poem would be “more”).
Eat more vegetables.
Socialize with friends more.
Not a bad list, if I say so myself. I actually started going back to the pool before Christmas break and once again, asked myself why I let so much time go by when I love it so much. No matter. The answer is, go now. Keep going, go when you can. That’s all anyone can do. Do what you can, when you can, however you can and be okay with it.
I think that’s a good way to begin a new year.