This is what morning looks like chez Granny when I go to bed at a “normal” hour and then pop awake at 3:30 a.m. It’s all good. I realized I wasn’t going to go back to sleep (maybe I’ll carve out time for a nap later), so I got up and wandered around for a while. I heard what I thought was a flock of birds outside my kitchen window (which looks out onto the parking lot, well lit), so I crept outside to see what was going on with them. Turns out it was only ONE bird. Yes, just one, carrying on quite the merry conversation with himself. As near as I could tell in the light of the centrally located street lamp, it was a swallow. Probably the first time I’d seen a swallow sit still for that long. I attempted to chirp back at him for a bit, and we carried on a halfhearted conversation. He seemed quite surprised that anyone was responding. I would imagine so at 4 a.m. And then, I’m sure I speak swallow with a horrible human accent. But for a few minutes, we had a conscious exchange. It was very sweet.
The moon was nearly full in the western sky, the air cool. I stayed out a little bit longer, just lounging against my car, watching two stray (I assume) cats soaking up the residual heat from the asphalt. There was no agenda, gay or otherwise. I let myself be moved by whatever action thought popped into my head next. Of course, that was coffee. After a few moments with the journal, I went into the pool area. Yes, that’s the pool there up above. Nice, isn’t it? After my first dip, I’ve been going in nearly every day. If I go around 11-ish, I’m pretty much the only one around, especially on weekdays. Do you have any idea how much fun it is to be the only one in the whole pool? Even a smallish pool? It’s just wonderful. I don’t do much actual swimming, but I sort of breast stroke and back stroke around the perimeter a few times, stretch my legs, work my hips, and just enjoy being in the water. I’m already enjoying this summer more than I have any summer in recent memory. I only stay about 15 minutes, because I’m also not using sunscreen in order to take on more Vitamin D. Call it an experiment. So far, I have a tiny bit of color in otherwise pale places, but no burn. Win/win.
My basil is sprouting. I noticed it yesterday as I was leaving to get E. to practice. That made my heart swell with happiness. I don’t know if I’ll have the lush crop I had the last few years (the pot is much smaller for one), but I’ll have some basil at least. I’m casing the area to figure out the best place to put a potted tomato for next year. The trickiest thing will be watering. I’m wondering how I might collect some rainwater on the sly. There are gutters all over the place here, but sticking a bucket under one of them would be just a bit conspicuous. The basil is no problem…just use whatever’s left in my water bottle each day. Or I can move it out from under the porch when it rains.
The point is, I’m letting things flow. I’m allowing. I think for our Western, hurry up, goal-oriented culture, that’s a very difficult thing. Allowing is not a particularly active verb. You let things happen as opposed to making them happen. But here’s a funny thing…sometimes when you’re trying to make something happen, maybe it’s not the thing that’s supposed to happen. And you work so hard to make it happen that other things, good, real, necessary things, that might have happened or would have happened if you weren’t so busy actively pushing in another direction, then can’t happen. I know, that’s a lot of happening in that sentence, but I know you follow me.
It also doesn’t mean that you just sit around all day doing nothing. Although a day of that every now and then can certainly be refreshing. It means you learn timing. You learn that when all of a sudden everything feels like you’re walking knee deep in rough water, maybe you should quit slogging for a while and see where the current takes you. It’s okay to relax. It’s okay to have a different schedule. It’s okay to take a nap at noon or eat Chinese food for breakfast. Allowing small changes in your life or routine and pave the way for bigger things to happen quickly.
Allow yourself to breathe and observe a little bit. Rest. Let be. Peace.