Let’s just chalk yesterday up to the madness that is sleep deprivation, shall we? No need to elaborate on it, other than to say it ended much better than it began because of the brilliance that is “The Imitation Game.” Thank you, Benedict Cumberbatch and everyone connected with the entire film.
The card above shows a clear figure emerging through a shadowed veil, the veil being burnt away by the cool flame of awareness. The veil represents “maya” in Sanskrit or illusion. This veil of illusion is what keeps us from seeing things clearly…or as Anais Nin so brilliantly said, “We do not see things as they are; we see things as WE are.”
This card speaks to a growing internal awareness, an awareness that is slowly, coolly burning away any veils of illusion. The other message is that this isn’t a big struggle that I have to go through. The lesson is to settle, to allow, to let go. I have to remember to be a witness in my life, that sometimes stepping back and watching is what’s needed, not the rushing in and trying to force things to happen. I need to be aware of things as they are, of how I AM and not how I might want things, or myself, to be. In the end, by settling into awareness, and not illusion, I will be able to find the best path for myself through this labyrinthine minefield of emotions and circumstances that I have found myself in for the past year and a half. Any tool that will help me do that without deadly explosions is most welcome.
Additionally, in traditional decks, this card is called The Chariot, a very complex card, full of contradictions. It speaks to self-control and a strong sense of direction, but also deep division between things like work and feelings, which is often a place I find myself in. I find it easy (too easy?) to completely detach from emotion when I’m really stressed out. Or, I give in and find myself wanting to scream and break things, neither of which really helps the situation.
But, like the driver of a chariot, I have to be able to harness those contradictions, to work with conflicting emotions or the desire to shut off and push everyone away. Having grown up mostly alone, moving from place to place, without much control over my environment, that place of shutting out the feelings and just carrying on is very comfortable. Again, I have to learn how to stay cool, to be aware of what’s going on in my emotional body, to see the habits that start to take over at times of stress and even thought I don’t have to force a huge sudden change on myself, just being able to step back and look at things objectively, would be a good tool.
Taking the time to meditate each day has been helping a lot, and even though it’s no guarantee that I won’t have days like yesterday, perhaps I can remember to be aware enough to not let the bad days overwhelm me as much.